Do You Believe in Life After Loss? Queer Stories of Loss, Hope and Resilience

This week author and podcaster Andrew Flewitt takes over Material Queer and brings queer stories of loss and hope

It may be an odd thing to some people that in the midst of life falling apart, there is inspiration for creativity, but for me, creativity is an opportunity for focus and for processing. After a number of things changing in my life which I describe as losses, I woke up one morning thinking about what happens when life falls apart and the things we know and love come to an end; Do You Believe in Life After Loss popped in my head as a title and the concept of writing a book about my experiences was born.

Maybe it was the universe sending me a title and a moment of inspiration, or maybe I had heard the Cher track, Do You Believe in Life After Love, in a bar in Brighton the night before whilst drinking gin, and it had lodged itself into my brain? Either way, it was a great title, and it started the ideas rolling for what has become my debut book.

Shortly after that time, I took myself away on a solo trip for three months to Gran Canaria. I lived in an Airbnb in the north of the island and spent those months alone with nowhere to run, which is kind of ironic because when I think about it, I was running and escaping my surroundings and everything that had happened. I simply needed to get away at that time. A parent passing away, stepping away from a family dynamic which no longer works, and an 18-year relationship with my husband coming to a temporary end in the space of 5 months meant a lot had changed, and life as I knew it for such a long time had come to an end.

‘Things happen in life that may result in a loss being felt, but we cannot articulate our feelings as this, we simply brush ourselves off and carry on with life.’

This was something I was unable to do at that time, I needed to really feel and get under the skin of what I was going through to understand the losses, and to stand any chance of being able to move forward with my life. Something I reflected on during the process of writing the book and continue to do two years down the line of everything changing, is that we cannot escape the pain of loss, and to open yourself up to love in life means an inevitable reality that we will lose; scary, right?

Even with all the work I have done to try and get comfortable with what has happened over the last few years, and to build resilience for the future, I still find the concept of loss scary, but I think to walk through the world without this fear, would mean I am switched off from other emotions and what it really feels like to love, to care and to have such special people in my life.

What I have learned over the last few years, is that being brave and walking towards the pain of loss can help to move forward with life in a healthy way, with the possibilities of new beginnings and a life after loss.

Is it an easy thing to do?

Absolutely not, and it can only be done when you’re truly ready, but with time, patience, the ability to feel and process what we are grieving, I think it is possible.

What I think this book does, is highlight that not every loss felt in life is the result of someone passing away. I have spoken to many people over the last few years who have said the same thing, that when someone confirms they are dealing with a loss, we automatically think that someone has died, but this isn’t always the case. Loss can present itself in many different ways, but it doesn’t mean it has any less impact, or that there is simply one way to process a loss and grieve; everyone will deal with loss in their own way, based on their experience, the tools available to them, and how they are able to process the situation at that time.

The book has nine incredible contributors, talking about their experiences of loss, and I am so honoured that they trusted me with their stories and allowed them to be featured as part of this book. The chapters include:

• Loss of Identity – Nathaniel J. Hall

• Loss of Intimacy – Zachary Tucker

• Loss of a Parent – Euan

• Loss of Safety – Jamie Windust

• Loss of a Previous Life – Juno Roche

• Loss of Community – Vaneet Mehta

• Loss of Opportunity – Luciana Cousin

• Loss of Religious Community – Mendez

• Loss of a Partner – Theo Parsonson

The book also features professional and therapeutic opinion throughout, from Silva Neves, award winning and accredited psychosexual and relationship psychotherapist, trauma psychotherapist, and author.

As part of the book, I had some questions:

• Are queer people resilient because they have already had to endure so much by the very act of living as authentically queer?

• Has queerness helped them to navigate change and deal with difficult situations around loss, because they have already had to deal with challenges in life that being a queer person has presented to them?

• Do the contributors believe in life after loss?

If you would like to find out the answer to these questions, and more about the contributors and their experiences of loss, you can preorder now.

I will leave you with one quote that has stayed with me since I carried out the interview with Juno Roche in 2024.

‘I’ve always believed in life after loss because I’ve always believed there was a life over the wall.’

Do You Believe in Life After Loss. Queer Stories of Loss, Hope and Resilience is released on paperback and E-book from Wednesday 21^st May 2025, by Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

About the author:

Andrew Flewitt is the creator and host of Queer I Am, The Podcast. The podcast has had four seasons to date, has been downloaded in over 60 countries and has been nominated for an Independent Podcast Award. Andrew has been featured in Podbible, Diva Magazine, BBC Radio Sussex, Latest TV Brighton, Scene Magazine and GX Magazine. They have presented for radio, and work in HR. They are based in Brighton, UK.

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